This is a highly controversial blog post for me. I’m quite sure all my friends and family have been guilty of asking me one, if not ALL of these at some point. I don’t mind answering or giving a sarcastic response. I’m so immune to it, I barely notice how irritated I am when people ask.
1). When are you done? You’ve been there forever!
I usually shake my head and give some sort of a half smile. “Yeah, I have been here forever, I’ll probably never get out of med school, I’m planning to spend the rest of my life as a student.”
2). Are you EVER going to get married?
Excellent question. I love when people ask this. I typically reply with “I sure hope so.” I’m actually thinking: “Yes, I’m going to get married, but it will probably be long after you’ve been divorced twice, had six kids and filed bankruptcy, best of luck friend!”
3). You’re running out of time. When will you have kids?
Sometimes when I’m super stressed, I literally just say whatever is on my mind. One of my friends had the unfortunate experience of this after they asked me this question. I replied with: “God willing (pause)… as long as my ovaries don’t rot and fall out of me by the time I get out of med school and hopefully by then I’ll still be able to reproduce, but even then if I’m over the age of 35 there’s a high probability that my kids would have some sort of terrible genetic defect causing them to have mental or physical deficits for the rest of their lives.” (drops the mike).
4). How will you ever pay off those student loans? How much debt do you have?
First of all, WHO says crap like this? Oh yeah that’s right… my friends. My response: “I’m planning to have one of my fellow med students surgically remove one of my kidneys so I can sell it on the black market.”
5). What if you fail?
“If I smack you across the face and no one hears or sees it, is it still considered assault?”
6). Where will you work when you’re done?
“I’m not sure, but while you’re at it, do you wanna go ahead and predict oil prices for me and how the housing market is going to fluctuate in the next year or so. If you could write it down and email it to me, that would be great, thanks.”
7). Are you sure this is what you want to do?
“No not at all, I just simply decided to devote the next X number of years of my life to something that I don’t want to do at all. Yep, you hit the nail on the head.”
8). Are you going to be in school forever?
“Yep, it sure feels like it.”
9). Why did you choose to study medicine?
Well at the time it seemed like a good idea, but now I just make jokes to keep from crying.
10). Why do you want to be a doctor?
Somedays it’s easy to answer this question than others, but typically I just shrug my shoulders and say “I have no earthly idea.”
11). Why did you forget about my birthday, anniversary, wedding, baby shower, etc?
How do I answer this? I was studying for exams – surely you’ll be sympathetic to that. MEH. Probably not.
12). What will you do with all the money you’ll make?
Seriously. I’m trying to figure out how to buy lunch in an hour with the $2.00 I have in my wallet. It’s not like I hit the lottery as soon as I’m done with med school, I’m in tons of debt.
13). When do you start making money?
I always answer this with “Not soon enough.” Literally, it can’t come soon enough.
14). Where are you? Why didn’t you like my Facebook post? Didn’t you see (insert life event) that happened?
I honestly stopped responding to these people. I don’t know how to respond or what they want me to say and I’m just done trying to please people. (closes message window).
15). (Gives you a bunch of symptoms). Can you diagnose me? What do you think I have?
No idea. You should probably go see a real doctor.
16). Aren’t you in medical school? Shouldn’t you know this? What are they teaching you over there?
So before I dive across the table and strangle this person. I take a deep breath and give them the stare.
17). (After they tell you an exorbitantly long story). I’m so sorry. Are you in the middle of studying?
Nope, just sitting here painting my nails, nothing important going on.
I know this blog post is full of satire, sarcasm and cynicism. I personally think it’s hilarious and most med students can probably relate to a lot of what I posted. Hopefully, no one gets TOO offended.
If I forgot any annoying questions, let me know in the comments below!